{"id":26188,"date":"2026-09-30T01:41:30","date_gmt":"2026-09-30T01:41:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harissa.com\/news-wp\/?p=26188"},"modified":"2026-09-30T02:06:18","modified_gmt":"2026-09-30T02:06:18","slug":"la-bonne-nouvelle-par-albert-simeoni","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harissa.com\/news-wp\/la-bonne-nouvelle-par-albert-simeoni\/","title":{"rendered":"La bonne nouvelle, par Albert Simeoni"},"content":{"rendered":"
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AU THEATRE CE SOIR. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

SHALLOM AAL KOL AAM ISRAEL <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

SKETCH. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

LA BONNE NOUVELLE. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma et Alain sont \u00e0 pr\u00e9sent mari\u00e9es. Alain travaille \u00e0 ORLY, h\u00f4t\u2026.essssssse d’ Accueil. C ‘est Albert qui lui a trouv\u00e9 ce job, sur mesure \u00e0 sa taille de gu\u00eape-butagaz\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n

‘ Bonjourrre Madammme\u2026Bonjourrre Monsieurrr\u2026Vous avez du poids \u00e0 d\u00e9clarer dans vos bagaggggges\u2026..’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Derri\u00e8re un comptoir et pr\u00e8s d’un monte-valise, genre tapis roulant comme celui de JANET. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Un jour, elle fut maudite par Teita et sa fille \u00e0 cause de 55 kgs de charge suppl\u00e9mentaire.. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Teita lui a dit, dans une envol\u00e9e lyrique\u2026devant les Norv\u00e9giens et les Su\u00e9doises\u2026.. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

‘ YE TIK MARD MKHELEF ELLI I HARROU FI EL TOBBA TA EL MOUNDO\u2026..’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

‘Q’il t ‘arrive une belle maladie que tous les m\u00e9decins du monde ne\u00a0 trouvent pas\u00a0 de rem\u00e8de\u2026..) <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Vous imaginez qu’elle affreuse mal\u00e9diction, mes amis, elle ne lui a pas donn\u00e9 une seule chance m\u00eame pas un v\u00e9t\u00e9rinaire poilu, un infime infirmier pour la gu\u00e9rir\u2026\u2026. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Quand \u00e0 sa fille TITINE, qui suivait sa m\u00e8re, elle lui a lanc\u00e9,\u00a0 dans le hall\u2026. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

‘YE TIK CHRENNE OU MA TELKACH TELJ\u2026\u2026..’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

(Qu’il t ‘arrive une fi\u00e8vre et que tu ne trouves pas de gla\u00e7ons\u2026..= <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Mon D ieu qu’elle horreur? ‘ Pas de gla\u00e7ons pour une fi\u00e8vre ‘\u00a0 cela aurai pu\u00a0 faire un excellent roman policier pour GORGES SIMEON\u2026\u2026Elle est rest\u00e9e quatre jours au lit \u00e0 cause de la mal\u00e9diction des <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

TOUTES-EN-AMANT. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Bref, retournons chez nos deux belles gazelles aux mollets de ‘KOUARRA’. ( tibia de vache) <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Trois mois a pr\u00e8s leur installation\u2026..Elles ont perdu un peu leur accent tra\u00eenant\u2026.. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’Alain\u2026..Tu sais je crois avoir perdu mes r\u00e8gles\u2026..,’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..’ Ne t ‘inqui\u00e8tes pas mon chou, je vais les chercher sous le lit\u2026\u2026’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’Bien sur, tu t ‘en fous toi, c ‘est moi qui souffre de cela\u2026.Bon tu ne connais rien <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

aux femmes\u2026\u2026.Je veux te dire que je suis\u00a0 ENCEINTE\u2026\u2026..’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.’ENCEINTE\u2026\u2026.Mon D ieu\u2026..Comment as tu faiiiiiiiiis\u2026\u2026.?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’\u00a0 Mais attends l\u00e0, toi, salope, mais c ‘est bien ce que tu voulais non\u2026..?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.’ Oui\u2026..! Oui\u2026.! Mais je ne m ‘y attendais pas\u2026..Franchement\u2026.Tu a vite prise\u2026\u2026Tu aurai pu attendre uuuuun peu quand m\u00eame\u2026\u2026Oh la la\u2026..! Je suis toute\u00a0 barbouill\u00e9e\u2026\u2026!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.. ‘Tu es barbouill\u00e9\u2026..Y\u00e8\u00a0 KAHBA\u2026.? Bon, c ‘est pas grave demain je vais avort\u00e9e\u2026.! <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’ OH\u2026..NON\u2026\u2026! PARDON\u2026\u2026.JE RETIRE CE QUE J AI DIS\u2026\u2026!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.’.La prochaine fois tu retournes\u00a0 sept fois ta langue dans ta\u2026\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’ O\u00f9 tu veux ma\u00a0 BICHETTE\u2026\u2026DE BIKETTE\u2026.DE KI\u2026\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.’ Ce n’est pas toi qui va souffrir,\u00a0 supporter le b\u00e9b\u00e9 pendant neuf mois, vaquer aux m\u00e9nages, hein\u2026\u2026.? Vous les hommes\/ femmes vous \u00eates \u00e9go\u00efstes\u2026!\u2026La bouffe, la lessive les enfants \u00e0 l’\u00e8cole\u2026\u2026 <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..’ Mais je t ‘ aiderai, tiens d’ ailleurs je vais balayer\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’ La derni\u00e8re fois tu a eu des cloques aux mains, et \u00e7a m’a g\u00ean\u00e9e\u2026.Tu comprends\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’ Je voulais \u00eatre serviable, c est tout ma bichette\u2026\u2026\u2026!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026. ‘Va appeler au t\u00e9l\u00e9phone le professeur PEDALOOO\u2026\u2026! <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..’ Oui\u2026.! OK tout de suite\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.! <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

ELLE COMPOSE LE NUMERO. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..’ All\u00f4\u2026\u2026\u2026! Professeur\u2026..? Ah\u2026..! Passez moi le PEDALO\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le PROFESSEUR\u2026\u2026\u2026 .’ Plait t ‘il\u2026\u2026.?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 ‘ O h que oui\u2026\u2026! ‘ Je suis le mari d ‘ EMMA\u2026\u2026!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

LeProfesseur\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’ Bonjour\u2026..Oui\u2026.Qui a t ‘il pour EMMA\u2026\u2026.?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 ‘ Elle est enceinte depuis trois mois\u2026\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le Professeur\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 .’ Ah\u2026..c ‘est\u00a0 les hormones\u2026\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

QUIPROCO\u2026.elle a compris les hommes. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u00a0 ..’ Ah\u2026..! Vous croyez\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le professeur\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 .’ E t oui \u00e0\u00a0 force \u00e0 force\u2026.’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 ..’ Mais je croyais \u00eatre le\u2026\u2026.?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le professeur\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 ‘ Mais non elle a tellement pris\u2026\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026…’ Mais elle les a pris quand\u2026\u2026\u2026?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le professeur\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 .’ Mais en cachette de vous certainement\u2026\u2026!’. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’ Vous voulez dire quand je ne suis pas \u00e0 la maison\u2026\u2026,’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le professeur\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..’ Bon \u00e9coutez moi Alain\u2026\u2026E mma est une femme discr\u00e8te\u2026..un peu cachotti\u00e8re\u2026.. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 .’ Mais je suis son mari\u2026..? Comment\u00a0 a ‘ puut ‘elle’\u00a0 oser me faire \u00e7a\u2026.! A MOIIIIIII\u2026..! <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le professeur\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 ‘ C ‘est le myst\u00e8re des femmes\u2026\u2026\u2026!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 .’ Je tombe des nues\u2026.!\u00a0 Moi qui la nourrit\u2026\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le professeur\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’ Mais ce n ‘est pas grave toutes les femmes en prennent\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026. ‘ Bon merci, je raccroche\u2026\u2026.! <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 .’ EMMAAAAAAAAAAA\u2026..S ‘il te plait, je veux avoir une discussion s\u00e9rieuse avec toii\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.. ‘ Oh\u2026.! Mon bas ventre\u2026..! Je le sens gonfler\u2026.Il p\u00e8se\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026… ‘ Oui\u2026! C’est normal\u2026.Avec\u00a0 tout ce que tu as ‘bouff\u00e9’\u2026! En cachette\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

QUIPROCO\u2026.EMMA comprends CACHETS\u2026. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 ..’ Mais je n ‘en prends pas\u2026.?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u00a0 \u2026’ Bien sur\u2026\u2026! Ma ch\u00e9rie\u2026.Vous \u00eates toutes les m\u00eames\u2026..Des putes\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

QUIPROCO\u2026\u2026\u2026EMMA comprend PUCE\u2026\u2026 <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u00a0 .’ Je te remercie ALAIN, bien sur que je le suis pour toi\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u00a0 ..’ \u2026.E t pour les autres aussi\u2026\u2026!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 \u2026’ Ohhhhhhhhh\u2026! Tout le monde m ‘aime\u2026.J ‘ai un bon caract\u00e8re\u2026..! <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

QUIPROCO\u2026..ALAIN comprend CRATERE\u2026\u2026\u2026.. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 .’ Comme le tien\u2026..! On peut tout engouffrer\u00a0 \u00e0 pr\u00e9sent\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026….’ T out de m\u00eame , il n’est pas si ouvert\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.\u2026’ Ah\u2026\u2026Ouais\u2026\u2026..Tu\u00a0 es une sa\u2026\u2026\u2026..pe\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026… ‘ Commeeeeeeeent\u2026..?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.\u2026 ‘Le prof PEDALO\u2026\u2026.M’as tout racont\u00e9\u2026..? <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026. ..’ Raconter quoi\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le t\u00e9l\u00e9phone sonne\u2026. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le professeur\u2026\u2026\u2026.’ Mr Alain\u2026..! Dites \u00e0 EMMA de ne pas trop abuser des hormones\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain appelle EMMA\u2026. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

‘ Emmaaaaaaaaaa\u2026\u2026’! Viens ici\u2026\u2026! Tiens \u00e9coute\u2026..R\u00e9p\u00e9tez- le lui PROFESSEUR\u2026\u2026?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le professeur\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’ \u2026..Qu’elle n ‘abuse pas surtout\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026…’Ne vous en faites pas \u2026\u2026\u2026!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026’ Tu vois\u2026..Tu vois \u2026..Tu as des hommes\u2026.Goujate\u2026..?’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..’ \u2026.Jatte toi m\u00eame\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Le professeur\u2026\u2026\u2026..’\u2026ALLO\u2026? \u2026.ALLO\u2026..Y ‘ A QUIPROCO\u2026..!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Emma\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.’ Ta gueule toi\u2026\u2026\u2026. MON COCO\u2026.!’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Alain\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..’\u2026Oui\u2026.Tu as foutu la crotte entre nous\u2026\u2026’ <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

ALBERT L ‘ENFANT DE LA GOULETTE. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n

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AU THEATRE CE SOIR. SHALLOM AAL KOL AAM ISRAEL SKETCH. LA BONNE NOUVELLE. Emma et Alain sont \u00e0 pr\u00e9sent mari\u00e9es. Alain travaille \u00e0 ORLY, h\u00f4t\u2026.essssssse d’ Accueil. C ‘est Albert qui lui a trouv\u00e9 ce job, sur mesure \u00e0 sa taille de gu\u00eape-butagaz\u2026\u2026\u2026. ‘ Bonjourrre Madammme\u2026Bonjourrre Monsieurrr\u2026Vous avez du poids \u00e0 d\u00e9clarer dans vos bagaggggges\u2026..’… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1880,"featured_media":53001,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26188","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-souvenirs"],"yoast_head":"\nLa bonne nouvelle, par Albert Simeoni | HARISSA.COM<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"AU THEATRE CE SOIR. 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