{"id":43238,"date":"2026-10-03T03:29:38","date_gmt":"2026-10-03T03:29:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harissa.com\/news-wp\/?p=43238"},"modified":"2026-10-03T03:29:38","modified_gmt":"2026-10-03T03:29:38","slug":"le-mariage-louba-par-albert-simeoni","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harissa.com\/news-wp\/le-mariage-louba-par-albert-simeoni\/","title":{"rendered":"Le Mariage Louba, par Albert Simeoni"},"content":{"rendered":"
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‘Voue \u00eates pri\u00e9s de vous munir d’une kippa\u2026.’ <\/b><\/p>\n

Fin de citation re\u00e7ue dans mon carton d’invitation. <\/b><\/p>\n

J’ai pouss\u00e9 le vice pour la premi\u00e8re fois de ma vie,\u00a0 \u00e0 me v\u00eatir de bien plus d’une kippa. J’\u00e9tais invit\u00e9 \u00e0\u00a0 un mariage louba<\/b><\/p>\n

J’ai cal\u00e9 une perruque \u00e0 papillote, de faux Tssisiths , un plastron , genre camisole , un chapeau noir Melon, et la jaquette \u00e0 queue ‘pie noire’. Quel kif. Quand je me suis vu dans le miroir ! Rabi Jacob \u00e9tait devant moi. <\/b><\/p>\n

Une rentr\u00e9e fracassante dans la salle, m\u00eame ma femme ne m’a pas reconnue, excusez du peu. <\/b><\/p>\n

L’orchestre\u2026.? 6 hommes sans femme mais \u00e0 barbe longue debout sur la sc\u00e8ne\u2026’un clariniste’, un percussionniste, deux violonistes, ‘un harmoniuniste ‘ et un homme de ch\u0153ur, tous loubas .Un Kif. <\/b><\/p>\n

Un espace, genre CHEUKHE, \u00e9tait am\u00e9nag\u00e9 pour les femmes. <\/b><\/p>\n

Rentr\u00e9e des jeunes mari\u00e9s sous un ‘Siman tov ou\u00a0 Mazel tov’, que d\u00e9j\u00e0 la mari\u00e9e s’est \u00e9clips\u00e9e accompagn\u00e9e d’un demi douzaines de ‘loubettes’. K\u00e9l kif. <\/b><\/p>\n

Sur la piste, le jeune mari\u00e9 sans barbe, \u00e9tait\u00a0 entour\u00e9 de huit jeunes ‘loubas’ plus 26\u00a0 corr\u00e8l\u00e9gionnaires et moi ont commenc\u00e9 \u00e0 tourner en rond trente fois\u2026.Un kif\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0‘Siman tov ou\u00a0 Mazel tov’ \u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

Dans une Hora Harra\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.. Haaaaaa\u2026Rissa\u2026!<\/b><\/p>\n

A un moment donn\u00e9, dans mon excitation, \u00e0 force de sauter, ma perruque s’est envol\u00e9e et est all\u00e9e s’accrocher \u00e0 un montant du lustre, heureusement que le hatan \u00e9tait sur la chaise et a pu me la d\u00e9crocher. Tomb\u00e9e \u00e0 terre, elle le f\u00fbt, je me baissasse\u00a0 pour la ramasser quand soudain, un pied louba vient l’\u00e9craser\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

‘ Hazak’ qu’il me dit \u2026’<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0‘Hazak rouh\u00e8k\u00a0 ( serre toi ) la prochaine fois ‘ que je lui r\u00e9ponds \u2026. <\/b><\/p>\n

.’ Ou Simha tov ou\u00a0 Mazel Tov..!\u00a0\u00bb Un kif. <\/b><\/p>\n

Je reprends la ronde\u2026Je reprends la main du rabin , ‘ Elle est cacher\u2026! ‘ qu’il me dit..’ Non c’est un pied de porc que tu tiens l\u00e0\u2026’ ‘ Haj v\u00e9challom\u2026! Cacher au moins\u2026.? \u2026.. ‘ Oui..! Il vient d ‘Isra\u00ebl..!’ <\/b><\/p>\n

‘Ou mazel tove ou simah tov\u2026.!’<\/b><\/p>\n

Voil\u00e0 que la clarinette s’embouche, la barbe de l’instrumentaliste est rentr\u00e9e dans le corps de la fl\u00fbte..<\/b><\/p>\n

‘FFFFFF\u2026..\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7; FFFFF\u2026\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7\u2026. Pas de son\u2026.! Le zokarji Habib vient \u00e0 son secours, il lui coupe\u2026.<\/b><\/p>\n

La barbe\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

‘Ou mazel tov ou siman tov\u2026.!’<\/b><\/p>\n

Le Habib envers moi ‘ Ouch l\u00e8l m\u00e9zel\u2026\u00e2\u00e2ndou\u2026!’<\/b><\/p>\n

( Et quelle dr\u00f4le de chance il a \u2026!) <\/b><\/p>\n

Et je tourne dans une ronde infernale\u2026..<\/b><\/p>\n

Ma kippa s’envole le m\u00eame orteil saint vient poser sa semelle\u2026Je le regarde m\u00e9chamment\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0‘Attention pas de ‘Hazak\u2026? Ok\u2026.! <\/b><\/p>\n

‘ Kol avod ‘ qu \u00a0\u00bbil me dit\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

‘ Kol avoun\u2026’ je lui r\u00e8ponds en b\u00e9rb\u00e8re\u2026Bebert pardon\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

‘Ou mazel tov et siman tov\u2026.!’<\/b><\/p>\n

Raby Jacob c’est moi, je gesticule en levant les bras devant mes yeux, fr\u00e8ttilant mes doigt comme dans le film\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

Bon \u2026.repos\u2026.<\/b><\/p>\n

Je m’\u00e9ponge le front\u2026.Au menu\u2026une jeune fille assise pr\u00e8s de moi, les reins d\u00e9couverts\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

‘ Samahni et c’est\u00a0 bien tov\u2026’ J’ai lev\u00e9 mon regard \u00e0 hauteur de sa poitrine\u2026cach\u00e9e\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

Et voil\u00e0 que l’irr\u00e9parable se produit\u2026Un gar\u00e7on tr\u00e9buche avec son plateau sur le pied d’une chaise mal align\u00e9e \u2026Le m\u00e9daillon de foie gras pousse des ailes et va s ‘encastrer sur la grand-m\u00e8re de la mari\u00e9e\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

Elle \u2026..; ‘ Y\u00e8\u2026Schm’i\u00e2\u00e2n en dalli hajj\u00e8 j\u00e8t t\u00e8lsok \u00e2\u00e2la kh\u00e8ddi\u2026. <\/b><\/p>\n

( ‘Simon\u2026.! Je crois que j’ai quelque chose sur la joue\u2026?’)<\/b><\/p>\n

Le mari\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

‘ Koul ch\u00e8y\u00e8 ou b\u00e2\u00e2de en cheffou\u2026.!’<\/b><\/p>\n

( ‘ Mange d’abord et puis on verra..!)<\/b><\/p>\n

La tante lui retire-la ‘verrue ‘ de par dessus son visage\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

On a mit un slow\u2026.Pour qui????? Pour que les hommes dansent entre eux\u2026.Jai invit\u00e8 mon beau fr\u00e8re\u2026Qui m’a plaqu\u00e9e comme une chiffe molle\u2026. <\/b><\/p>\n

‘Eve’noiu challom\u2026..\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7\u2026..!’<\/b><\/p>\n

Retour sur la piste\u2026. Quel kif\u2026.<\/b><\/p>\n

‘Ou mazel tov ou\u00a0 siman tov\u2026.!’ Ghassra\u2026. <\/b><\/p>\n

Un proche s’est empar\u00e9 d’une serviette qu’il fait tourner comme un ventilateur, m\u00eame la serviette ‘y\u00e8 bou rab’ n’a pas \u00e9chapp\u00e9e \u00e0 leur hora\u2026le mari\u00e9 \u00e0 chaud, on le ventile\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

Polka\u2026\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7\u00a7\u2026 A La Russe, eux qui nous ont beaucoup aim\u00e9\u2026. <\/b><\/p>\n

‘LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA KA\u2026KA\u2026.KA\u2026.LALLLA\u2026LIIII\u2026KA MA ..KRHAAAAAA\u2026.!’ <\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0Bref on arrive au cailloux, pav\u00e9 de Veau effil\u00e9, heureusement qu’il fut effil\u00e9 mais pas d\u00e9fil\u00e9\u2026Et heureusement que j’ai mang\u00e9 avant de venir \u2026Pour 1000 frs d’ enveloppe, j’ai eu droit \u00e0 deux asperges serr\u00e9s dans un anneau d’or, plaqu\u00e9s, plus deux morceaux de c\u00e9leri, deux petites tomates, je croyais que c’ \u00e9tait des fraises et \u00e0 un morceau de pain b\u00e9l zbib ‘ ( el akri). Un kif\u2026. <\/b><\/p>\n

Je reprends la ronde\u2026.<\/b><\/p>\n

‘Ou mazel tov ou\u00a0 siman tov\u2026.!’ <\/b><\/p>\n

Je transpire sous ma jaquette, je veux l’enlever quand un barbu vient me voir\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

‘ Hass v\u00e8 challom\u2026.’ <\/b><\/p>\n

‘ A\u00e2ss\u2026! Om\u00f6k\u2026! ‘je\u00a0 lui dis\u00a0 ‘ \u2026J ‘ai chaud\u2026’ <\/b><\/p>\n

Bien arrive l’effeuillage, le dernier plat, une petite soucoupe avec quelques frisettes, deux morceaux de noix et un carreau de sucre\u2026.Donc am\u00e8re ou ahlou\u2026Quel Kif\u2026.. <\/b><\/p>\n

Arrive le caf\u00e8\u2026.Ar\u00f4me du Br\u00e9sil\u2026.Que j’ai partag\u00e9 avec mon bof\u2026.. <\/b><\/p>\n

Je reprends le man\u00e8ge\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

‘Ou mazel tov ou\u00a0 siman tov\u2026.!’ <\/b><\/p>\n

Seulement voil\u00e0, j’\u00e9tais tout seul \u00e0 danser, tout le monde \u00e9tait parti, m\u00eame les musiciens me laissant seul sur la piste\u2026 <\/b><\/p>\n

Kel kif\u2026..\u00a0\u00bbOu mazel tov\u00a0 ou siman tov\u2026.!’ <\/b><\/p>\n

Vous n’avez pas int\u00e9r\u00eat \u00e0 m’inviter dans les mariages, je suis une mauvaise langue\u2026J J J J J<\/b><\/p>\n

ALBERT SIMEONI<\/b><\/p>\n\n

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<\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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‘Voue \u00eates pri\u00e9s de vous munir d’une kippa\u2026.’ Fin de citation re\u00e7ue dans mon carton d’invitation. J’ai pouss\u00e9 le vice pour la premi\u00e8re fois de ma vie,\u00a0 \u00e0 me v\u00eatir de bien plus d’une kippa. J’\u00e9tais invit\u00e9 \u00e0\u00a0 un mariage louba J’ai cal\u00e9 une perruque \u00e0 papillote, de faux Tssisiths , un plastron , genre… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1880,"featured_media":56631,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[34,17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43238","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divers","category-souvenirs"],"yoast_head":"\nLe Mariage Louba, par Albert Simeoni | HARISSA.COM<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"'Voue \u00eates pri\u00e9s de vous munir d'une kippa\u2026.' 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