{"id":43403,"date":"2026-10-03T03:29:52","date_gmt":"2026-10-03T03:29:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harissa.com\/news-wp\/?p=43403"},"modified":"2026-10-03T03:29:52","modified_gmt":"2026-10-03T03:29:52","slug":"un-sketch-sur-ma-maman-par-albert-simeoni","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harissa.com\/news-wp\/un-sketch-sur-ma-maman-par-albert-simeoni\/","title":{"rendered":"Un sketch sur ma maman, par Albert Simeoni"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><strong><\/p>\n<p> LES SKETCHS D&rsquo; ALBERT (BEBERT)<\/p>\n<p> PAR SIMEONI\u00a0<\/p>\n<p> Ma maman est une femme d\u2019exception. Elle a le chic de ne jamais se d\u00e9courager, de r\u00e9p\u00e9ter souvent la m\u00eame chose, d\u2019\u00eatre<br \/> tenace, d\u2019avoir toujours raison comme les mamans tunisiennes. C\u2019est une femme de t\u00eate qui ne s\u2019avoue jamais vaincue et qui dit<br \/> toujours la v\u00e9rit\u00e9 m\u00eame s\u2019il elle affabule&#8230; elle a fini par d\u00e9courager plus d\u2019un &#8230;&#8230;voil\u00e0 un\u2019passouk\u2019 sur &#8230;&#8230;<\/p>\n<p> \u2018MA MAMAN \u2018<\/p>\n<p> -All\u00f4 . !&#8230;&#8230;..B\u00e9b\u00e8rt&#8230;..?\u2019<\/p>\n<p> -Oui maman&#8230;&#8230;<\/p>\n<p> -C\u2019est maman !<\/p>\n<p> -Oui maman\u2026 ! je reconnais ta voix apr\u00e8s 55 ans &#8230;!<\/p>\n<p> -Yaiche ouldi&#8230;.j\u00e9tni ouark\u00e0 s\u00e9fr\u00e8h m\u00e8l Pr\u00e9fecture&#8230;..\u00a0<\/p>\n<p> (Cher fils &#8230;.j\u2019ai re\u00e7u un imprim\u00e9 jaune &#8230;..)<\/p>\n<p> -M\u00e9l Pr\u00e9fecture .?&#8230; pourquoi&#8230;?<\/p>\n<p> -Tu sais&#8230;.j\u2019ai fais une demande de naturalisation fran\u00e7aise&#8230;j\u2019ai oubli\u00e9 de te le dire il y a 4 ans &#8230;..<\/p>\n<p> -Et pourquoi&#8230;tu veux \u00eatre fran\u00e7aise \u00e0 &#8230;&#8230;76 ans ?<\/p>\n<p> -Il parait -d\u2019apr\u00e8s Fortun\u00e9e la s\u0153ur de&#8230;..oualli\u00e0 m\u00e9 y\u00e9tch yandi m\u00f4kh&#8230;(pauvre de moi , je n\u2019ai plus de m\u00e9moire) tu la connaaais&#8230;.. ? c\u2019est la fille de Camille &#8230;.qui avait son fr\u00e8re bijoutier au souk de Tunis &#8230;&#8230;son p\u00e8re c\u2019est Fran\u00e7ois le mari de Zair\u00e0&#8230;&#8230;omma c\u2019est Touir\u00e0&#8230;..<\/p>\n<p> -Bon &#8230;..tu ne vas pas me citer toute leur g\u00e9n\u00e9alogie \u00e0 ces gens l\u00e0&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p> Elle s\u2019\u00e9nerve et l\u00e8ve la voix\u2026.<\/p>\n<p> -Qui sait qui te parles de g\u00e9ologie&#8230;. ? je te parle de Fortun\u00e9e la s\u0153ur de&#8230;<\/p>\n<p> -Bon &#8230;.qu\u2019est ce qu\u2019elle a celle l\u00e0 ..?<\/p>\n<p> -C\u2019est pour te dire qu\u2019elle a beaucoup d\u2019avantages depuis qu\u2019elle est devenue fran\u00e7aise &#8230;<\/p>\n<p> -Quels avantages a t\u2019elle maman.. ?<\/p>\n<p> -Elle a sa carte Paris sant\u00e9&#8230;sa carte d\u2019handicap\u00e9e &#8230;.sa carte vermeille&#8230;.sa carte orange&#8230;.sa carte d\u2019identit\u00e9&#8230;.sa carte de S\u00e9cu&#8230;.son R.m.i. &#8230;..son HLM&#8230;&#8230;un cadeau \u00e0 No\u00ebl par la mairie&#8230;..une femme de m\u00e9nage&#8230;..<\/p>\n<p> -C\u2019est tout ce qu\u2019elle a maman&#8230;.?\u00a0<\/p>\n<p> -L\u00e8h (non) &#8230;.ou le Centre d\u2019Aide Social Juif . &#8230;.y yainou\u00e8 (on l\u2019aide)&#8230;. ! oudini oull\u00e9t lab\u00e8ch yalli\u00e8&#8230;.(je t\u2019assure elle est devenue bien)<\/p>\n<p> -Mais maman&#8230;.tout \u00e7a tu peux l\u2019avoir si tu fais les d\u00e9marches en temps que tunisienne &#8230;il te suffit de remplir un dossier &#8230;.!<\/p>\n<p> -Ah bon&#8230;! ils ne vont pas me demander des indiscr\u00e9tions&#8230;.!<\/p>\n<p> -Eh ! oui&#8230;..ils vont te demander tes revenus\u2026tes charges &#8230;.tes loyers en tant que propri\u00e9taire&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p> -Ouall\u00e0 babaaahh  w\u00e8ll\u00e8h rkad\u00e8tou ! (pauvre mon p\u00e8re et son sommeil) q\u00f4lli m\u00e9ll\u00e0 b\u00e9ch y reychouni kiffe \u00e9l dj\u00e8jj\u00e0 ? (dis moi alors qu\u2019ils vont me d\u00e9plumer ..)<\/p>\n<p> -Si tu veux \u00eatre fran\u00e7aise il faut que tu d\u00e9couvres toi derri\u00e8re&#8230;.comme les fran\u00e7ais&#8230;sinon&#8230;<\/p>\n<p> -Tu te moques de moi &#8230;. ? B\u00e9bert&#8230;je suis ta m\u00e8re&#8230;. !<\/p>\n<p> -Je sais maman&#8230;.il vaut mieux que tu saches \u00e0 quoi t\u2019en tenir!<\/p>\n<p> -Alors qu\u2019est ce que je fais ?<\/p>\n<p> -Ecoute maman \u00e0 76 ans &#8230;.qu\u2019est ce que tu as besoin de toutes ces tracasseries !que tu sois fran\u00e7aise ou pas !<\/p>\n<p> -&#8230;.Ouken rabbi yatani \u00e9l yamor twil bl\u00e9chi marde&#8230;.je pourrai aller faire des cures \u2018gratos\u2019 jakoujji ou neym\u00e8l choui\u00e0 \u2018tassalot\u00e8rapie \u2018.<\/p>\n<p> &#8211;(Si D.ieu me donne la sant\u00e9 sans maladie&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.. jacuzzi et un peu de thalassoth\u00e9rapie ).<\/p>\n<p> -Maman&#8230;. ! les cures \u2018gratos\u2019 m\u00eame les fran\u00e7aises ne les obtiennent pas sauf si elles touchent le R.M.I. c\u2019est pour les situations modestes ! Ce n\u2019est pas ton cas &#8230;&#8230;et puis c\u2019est thalassoth\u00e9rapie\u00a0<\/p>\n<p> -Je ne leur dirai pas tout \u00e7a&#8230;&rsquo;tasse \u00e0 l&rsquo;eau &lsquo; oull\u00e0 thalasso&#8230;.c\u2019est tous des salauds &#8230;une veuve comme moi&#8230;..<\/p>\n<p> -Tu veux leur cacher la v\u00e9rit\u00e9&#8230;?.<\/p>\n<p> -Et apr\u00e8s &#8230;.ouken i fikkou&#8230;..n\u00e9bkillem&#8230;.(s\u2019ils s\u2019aper\u00e7oivent je pleure)&#8230;qu\u2019est ce qui vont me faire .. !.une vieille comme moi&#8230; ?<\/p>\n<p> -Ca peut te co\u00fbter cher..!<\/p>\n<p> -Avec qui tu es toi&#8230;.avec eux ou avec moi&#8230;.?&#8230;Donnes moi un conseil. ?<\/p>\n<p> -Restes \u00e0 ta place &#8230;.et n\u2019\u00e9coutes pas Fortun\u00e9e qui \u00e0 son fr\u00e8re bijoutier et sa soeur&#8230;.rab&#8230;.ma.(un juron) qui veut te mettre dans la merde&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p> -Bon &#8230;je t\u2019\u00e9coute&#8230;<\/p>\n<p> Elle raccroche.<\/p>\n<p> 5 minutes plus tard&#8230;Drrrriiiillllig.<\/p>\n<p> -C\u2019est maman&#8230; !\u2019<\/p>\n<p> -Oui maman&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p> -Juste un conseil.. sur l\u2019imprim\u00e9 vert&#8230; !\u2019<\/p>\n<p> -Il a chang\u00e9 de couleur l\u2019imprim\u00e9 en cinq minutes ou c\u2019est un cam\u00e9l\u00e9on que tu as entre les mains, il est vert ou jaune&#8230;?.<\/p>\n<p> -Oualliya rh\u00e9blouni (ils m\u2019ont embrouill\u00e9s)&#8230;.sur la feuille jaune&#8230;.il y a marqu\u00e9 \u00ab\u00a0Indiquer la personne qui vous a pris en charge lors de votre entr\u00e9e en France \u00ab\u00a0;<\/p>\n<p> -Qui t\u2019a pris en charge en 1988&#8230;?<\/p>\n<p> -C\u2019est Sauveur \u00e0 &#8230;.Marseille&#8230;. !<\/p>\n<p> -Alors vas \u00e0 Marseille&#8230; ?<\/p>\n<p> -Oualliya&#8230;ma martou (avec sa femme)&#8230;.\u00e9lli m\u00e9 t\u00e9hm\u00e9lnich.?(qui ne peut pas me voir)&#8230;bon ..bon&#8230;je crois que je vais laisser tomber cette histoire&#8230;..<\/p>\n<p> Elle raccroche.<\/p>\n<p> 5 minutes plus tard&#8230;Ddddrrrriiillliiig.<\/p>\n<p> -B\u00e9b\u00e8rt&#8230;.c\u2019est maman&#8230;<\/p>\n<p> -Oui maman&#8230; !<\/p>\n<p> -Juste une question&#8230;.ouk\u00e9n n\u00e9mchi chouff Martine Aubry..?.(si j\u2019allais voir Martine Aubry.)<\/p>\n<p> -Ta voisiiiiiine&#8230;?<\/p>\n<p> -Quelle voisine&#8230;? la ministre ta baba&#8230;.b\u00e8che tyar\u00e8k yallia&#8230;.(la ministre de mon p\u00e8re&#8230;.pour qu\u2019elle m\u2019aide)<\/p>\n<p> -Tu crois qu\u2019elle n\u2019a rien \u00e0 faire celle l\u00e0 pour s\u2019occuper de toi&#8230;..une vieille &#8230;c\u2019est qui elle? ta soeur ou bien ta tante &#8230;..Louijj\u00e8&#8230;!<\/p>\n<p> -Elle raccroche sur mon nez &#8230;<\/p>\n<p> 5 minutes plus tard&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p> -All\u00f4 ! B\u00e9bert &#8230;tu sais toi &#8230;. ! on ne peut pas parler avec toi&#8230;.tu es un mauvais fils&#8230;<\/p>\n<p> Elle m\u2019appellera 8 fois pour la m\u00eame chose&#8230; Que D.ieu b\u00e9nisse ma m\u00e8re. Je l\u2019aime&#8230;pour toutes les emmerdes d\u00e9licieuses qu\u2019elle me fait entendre&#8230;.presque tous les jours et cela depuis que je suis mari\u00e9&#8230;..<\/p>\n<p> J\u2019en ai encore d\u2019autres sur ma maman ch\u00e9rie. Plus tard.<\/p>\n<p> \u00ab\u00a0albertsimeoni\u00a0\u00bb &lt;<a href=\"mailto:albertsimeoni@wanadoo.fr\">albertsimeoni@wanadoo.fr<\/a>&gt;\u00a0 <\/strong><\/p>\n<hr\/>\n<blockquote>\n<blockquote><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n<h6><\/h6>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>LES SKETCHS D&rsquo; ALBERT (BEBERT) PAR SIMEONI\u00a0 Ma maman est une femme d\u2019exception. Elle a le chic de ne jamais se d\u00e9courager, de r\u00e9p\u00e9ter souvent la m\u00eame chose, d\u2019\u00eatre tenace, d\u2019avoir toujours raison comme les mamans tunisiennes. C\u2019est une femme de t\u00eate qui ne s\u2019avoue jamais vaincue et qui dit toujours la v\u00e9rit\u00e9 m\u00eame s\u2019il&hellip;&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":23295,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43403","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-souvenirs"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Un sketch sur ma maman, par Albert Simeoni | HARISSA.COM<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"LES SKETCHS D&#039; ALBERT (BEBERT) PAR SIMEONI\u00a0 Ma maman est une femme d\u2019exception. 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